Wednesday, April 14, 2010

PAIN is the only thing that is telling me, I AM STILL ALIVE…

A person with a mole on the stomach is said to be lazy… I disagree… I have a mole on my stomach too… and I was NOT lazy until I heard about my problem. A five minute walk tires me, carrying dinner plates back to the kitchen tires me, talking tires me, taking stress hurts my chest… blah blah blah… the list goes on… yet I could not find a cure to my HEART pain.
When I say I have a heart problem, everyone relates it to love crisis. Sometimes I wish it was some sort of love crisis for there is a cure to that, but HEART PROBLEM… how am I going to live with this problem my whole life.
The pain of pin and needles pinching my whole body, the pain of not being able to take in breaths and the pain of the joints in the body is all the pain I can take for now… have been taking in for the past one year… I fear of the thoughts of pains I might have to endure in the future… the pains that might make me want to give up on life…
However, nothing I could do to reduce it. Pretending it to be a chocolate, medicines on time has become my daily life and weighing myself has now become a compulsion for me… a little increase in my weight would bother me for doctors say “weight is not good for heart.”
Talking about weighing myself, I still see the images of me swelling like a balloon. Today I am I 45kgs and the very next day, I am 59 kg. I couldn’t sleep, walk nor could I sit. “Are you pregnant?” asked few people I know. … Doctors say my swelling is due to the pressure my heart is unable handle. And because of that pumping becomes difficult which results to the accumulation of water in the body. My body’s incapability of relieving it thus results in swelling. My weight would increase from 45 kg to 59 kg over a night and taking ‘Dytor’- a medicine prescribed by doctors- my weight however, would come down to 45kg… AGAIN……
How long now!!!!                                                                                                              
How many sweet more years to LIVE… till….

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